On Being a PM, After 3.5 Years

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It’s been three days since I officially became unemployed, and only now is it starting to feel real. Since this is my personal blog, I think it’s okay to leave a slightly sentimental note about leaving the team.

Maybe it’s because I spent most of my day, almost like being in a relationship, constantly engaged with work and communication. People often say that after a breakup, it takes a few days for it to really sink in. I find myself wondering if this is what that feels like.

Even when I don’t have any reason to be in touch with anyone, I still unconsciously pick up my phone every ten minutes and open Slack. Each time, I catch myself and close the app, thinking, “Wow, I really was someone who diligently checked work messages.” Moments like that make me realize that over the past three and a half years, I don’t think I’ve ever truly let go and rested.

I feel proud of how hard I worked, but at the same time, those moments make the sense of separation feel more real.

I also find myself thinking about the design jams I used to have almost every night during the week, spending one to two hours discussing drafts with a designer based overseas. Around that time each day, I still feel like I should reach out to them, which creates a strange feeling. In many ways, it really does resemble the process of a breakup.

Still, this was the company I stayed with the longest, and naturally, the one I felt most attached to. Looking back, I was never someone who particularly sought out leadership roles, but somehow I ended up with the title of Head of Product, and it was here that I learned the most about what leadership actually means.

Given the nature of the industry, our team was made up of people with very diverse personalities. I learned how to bring out each person’s strengths without diminishing their individuality, and how those strengths could come together and shine under the name of a “team.” Most importantly, I learned that workplace relationships are, at their core, still just relationships between people, and that understanding how to communicate person-to-person is essential.

There were also times when someone, including myself, was underperforming compared to expectations. In those moments, I learned the importance of trusting their potential and giving them the space and time to recover. I tend to be bit impatient by nature and get frustrated when things aren’t resolved quickly, so learning this may have been the most valuable lesson I gained from this work experience.

When I first started as a Product Manager, I was probably lacking in many ways. Watching the people around me wait for me and support me taught me a great deal as well. Being surrounded by such good people for such a long time allowed me to grow significantly. Even though it’s only been a few days since I left, many of them have continued to reach out and support my next steps, which I’m deeply grateful for.

I originally started writing this to reflect on what I’ve learned as a PO/PM. When it comes to the question, “What makes a good Product Manager?”, everyone will have different answers. You could list out measurable achievements, but at its core, I believe the role of a manager is rooted in soft skills. That’s why I think it’s difficult to evaluate whether someone is a good PM based on a resume alone.

The expectations for a Product Manager vary so much from company to company that it’s hard to define a single standard. However, one thing seems clear: a good Product Manager is someone who fulfills the role that their company needs. That implies being adaptable and quick to learn.

There will always be moments of crisis. Times when the entire team’s morale drops, when a team member is struggling mentally, or even when you yourself are that person. In those moments, as a manager, you need to quickly stabilize your own mindset, ensure that the team continues to deliver what must be done, and at the same time give individuals the space they need to recover. To do that, I believe a PM must first make sure they never become a blocker for others, and second, actively work to remove blockers for the team. This mindset is the most fundamental competency.

Although I call it “fundamental,” maintaining this mindset consistently is far from easy. Being a PM often feels like a form of strict self-discipline. Ultimately, to grow to the next level, a Product Manager must evolve into a People Manager. Rather than thinking of yourself as someone who manages products, you should see yourself as someone who enables the organization to keep moving forward, which means understanding the people within it. That requires understanding human relationships and striving to be a good person yourself.

What it means to be a “good person” is something worth continually reflecting on. While becoming objectively “good” may be difficult, simply striving to be better is often enough for others to recognize you that way.

Film critic Lee Dongjin once described his philosophy on life as: “Be diligent in each day, but take life as it comes.” While a company cannot operate entirely on that mindset since it must deliver quantitative results, I believe a similar principle applies. Do your best each day, but remain flexible in the bigger picture, adapting to both internal and external changes. Even in times of crisis, instead of asking, “Whose fault was this?”, teams should quickly move toward, “How do we solve this now?” Especially in organizations where junior members need to grow into senior roles, fostering that kind of culture is crucial.

Even now, I find myself opening and closing Slack dozens of times a day out of habit. It makes me realize that I may have forgotten how to truly rest over the past three and a half years. So for a while, I plan to spend time exploring things I can immerse myself in without it being work or work-related learning. Pickleball seems to be gaining popularity in the industry lately, so I might give that a try. I also haven’t been to a museum or gallery in quite some time, so I’d like to start going again. If anyone reading this would like to explore a new hobby together, please feel free to reach out.