Mother Mary Came to Me

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One can never erase the impact a book has made in our lives & how it has made us the person we are; everything I know is all my curiosity gave to me. My perspective on the book, which is introduced as a medium for developing your language, is not the impression you give to someone whom I look up to, who was an avid reader.

I navigated my TBRs through Instagram & TikTok (back then), which majorly made me read “BookTok reccos” & Chetan Bhagat. Not to complain, I liked those when I didn’t know I had amazing options in literature. I’ll always make sure to express my gratitude, big or small; the thing is, I always find fewer words to express my gratitude when my professor gave me “God of Small Things” by Arundhati Roy. This book teleported me to Ayemenem, shed new light on books & on how I should never let myself be fooled by books that are not just a medium for fiction that contributes nothing, but rather make the politics in our daily life visible.

I grew fond of Arundhati Roy & started to check who she is, where I was only able to find that she is an architect turned writer, which served as a step for me to give a shit about an internship in RTF on the Writer’s program. Little did I know that the new book called “Mother Mary Comes to Me” once again changed everything in me. You might have heard/seen about this book in your stories or reels, saying it made them cry, like clickbait. I also wanted to read this book. This time, Arundhati Roy, like every other time in her life, changed things through her writing. This masterpiece altered my brain chemistry, made me question myself, and envy her for breaking stereotypes that every individual struggles with even today. Being unapologetically oneself needs so much courage. This book is a memoir of Arundhati Roy’s mother, Mrs. Mary Roy, where I found answers about Arundhati Roy and what it cost her to become the woman she is.

If you’re someone who grew up in an abusive household, you can relate so much to this book. Back in those days, Arundhati Roy went through so many things that made her feel bad for others, even for her victory. Living one’s life on one’s own terms will cost you a lot, which is beautifully engraved in those pages. Growing up in an abusive household, peace was never an option. I find myself still scared of my parents, even though I live miles apart from them. I couldn’t find the courage to do whatever I wanted, just because I’d be disappointing them when they don’t even consider me as an individual. This is what Arundhati Roy also did to make her mom love her back. In desperate need to come out of this chaotic household, I find myself putting my family before myself when I do something for myself. Somehow, this made me empathetic & afraid to start something rather than sticking to a stereotype.

That’s how I found my passion in Architecture. My dad suggested architecture to me, and I fell in love with how a place could tell a story. Learning this amazing course from every online source, I thought that what I did back in my college days was an extraordinary outcome compared to my batchmates. I made my place in my university, for which my professor started to come & talk to my parents about what I contributed to the department. It felt surreal, as I thought I had made my parents proud in some ways and would make them understand the potential I have. Being a first daughter of your generation, I feel like a puppet who danced through every story; if my strings got cut, they never tried to mend them; rather, I was considered broken. I still feel the strings on me. I wanted to pursue dance, but they never let me do it because of their idea of an “inconvenient” architecture degree, because women can work from their in-laws’ place. This is how architecture came through my life. I like how Arundhati Roy was transparent enough to admit all her doing rather than appearing to be the main character. She surrendered herself to the audience, which meant a lot to me because I was conditioned to be perfect & never accept my flaws, but rather work on them in the darkest hours. This syndrome made me question everything. Even when I have to talk, I practice it in the back of my mind.

I envied Roy for being herself in the days when whatever she did, she ended up in places that were higher than where she was. Whereas today, opportunities are spilled like beans, and trying something unconventional will only give them virality when we doomscroll. She is everything I want to be. I like the things that she got to experience, even with her abusive mother. She got to experience books, international music, and got to work & write a story, which was aired on Doordarshan as a movie. She lived alone in a new city where the language she had never known. Even if I try the same blueprint as Arundhati Roy, I can’t do the entire thing she did, because cutting my hair feels sinister. When I’m going through all this, “Mother Mary Comes to Me” came to my rescue. It changed something; now I can see myself standing up for things I want.

I love how this book ended up making me love Mrs. Roy for giving us Arundhati Roy, rather than hating her for abusing the author. Surprisingly, this book has some humour, which worked so well for me as a person who has her coping mechanism.

“I faxed my bank statement… Mr Z, & asked him if he would like to be my keep, now that I could afford him.”

You might wonder what made me fall in love with Roy. I truly understand my love for Mrs. Roy. You should read this amazing book to get to know Arundhati Roy & her mother, Mary Roy. Dysfunctional families cost so much of your mental health, especially as they might lead you to decision fatigue; I was happy that it was not the case in Arundhati Roy’s life. Her life gave us “God of Small Things.” What is family if it doesn’t inspire you to do something about it? That’s exactly what happened to Arundhati Roy.

This memoir on Mary Roy gave something to all of us. I liked how she made a tribute to her mother & how the people in Mary Roy’s life honoured her death. Back then, “regressive” is an understatement; Arundhati’s mother was progressive for the time & trusted her daughter more than her son. Till today, people are fighting with their families & society on things that cause so much pain by throwing themselves out of their houses, moving cities or countries, staying disconnected from their peers & such. I hope this changes one day. I think my change started from “Mother Mary Comes to Me,” which made me ask questions to the people who intimidated me for years. Be brave, stand for yourselves, and for more courage-building, read this masterpiece. All love to Arundhati Roy, you’ll always be my inspiration.